There’s a reason it feels awful to explain to your partner how to show up for you.
On a gut level, it can feel fake — like if they really loved you, they’d just know.

But here’s the kicker:
That belief didn’t come from nowhere. It came from a lifetime of you reading the room before the room exploded.

Kids don’t need a flawless parent.

They need:

• Space to play, explore, and be bored.

• Permission to have big, messy feelings.

• Clear, consistent limits that keep everyone safe.

• At least one adult who is reliably in their corner—especially when things go wrong.

Every couple has a few uninvited guests—fear, control, old wounds. We call them the Hidden Saboteurs of Intimacy.

Here’s how to spot yours (and start shifting them).

Have you ever noticed that in your closest relationships, the same conflicts keep popping up — even when the topic changes? Or you feel stuck in patterns you can’t quite name? The Relationship Grid, developed by Terry Real, gives you a simple map to see what’s really happening under the surface — especially when you’re stressed, reactive, or hurt.

“How’s Your Sex Life (And Can We Talk About It)?” is a free worksheet for couples who want to build (or rebuild) a healthier, more honest sexual connection. Whether you’re newly together, in a rut, recovering from disconnection, or just craving more closeness—this is for you.

Not all overwhelm is created equal.

Most of us think of “activation” as freaking out, yelling, or spiraling—but the nervous system has range. It doesn’t always show up as chaos. Sometimes it’s stone silence. Sometimes it’s productivity. Sometimes it’s scrolling TikTok for an hour without remembering your own name.

To help track what kind of state you’re in, let’s break it into three buckets

You start with good intentions. You swear you’re going to talk it out calmly. Five minutes later, you're either yelling, shutting down, or frantically Googling “why does my partner never listen to me.” Sound familiar?

You’re not toxic. They’re probably not evil. But the cycle? The cycle is definitely the villain.

Attachment wounds are the invisible injuries we carry from early experiences where our need for safety, care, and connection wasn’t met—consistently or at all. It’s not always “big T” trauma. Sometimes it’s chronic misattunement, emotional neglect, cultural invalidation, or having to parent yourself too early.

You’re in the same room, maybe even on the same couch, but miles apart. You used to feel everything—hurt, hope, frustration, desire. Now? Mostly...meh.

Unlike single-event trauma, CPTSD stems from ongoing, relational, or developmental trauma. It’s not the “what” that happened once—it’s the pattern that formed when fear became the background music of your childhood.

You're not too much. You're not broken. You're just really good at surviving things that were never meant to be survived alone.

Based on the work of Dr. Todd Pressman (Deconstructing Anxiety), these are five universal core fears that shape how we adapt to pain—especially if you grew up navigating trauma, chaos, or emotional invisibility.

It all begins with an idea.

It all begins with an idea.