What Is RLT? (And Why It’s Not Your Average Couples Therapy)

Relational Life Therapy (RLT) isn’t about holding hands and saying nice things until one of you finally “gets it.” It's not about endless rehashing or just being “heard.” RLT is direct, honest, and a little bit uncomfortable—in the best way.

What makes RLT different?
Developed by Terry Real, RLT helps people stop acting out of old wounds and start relating from what we call the Wise Adult (formerly the Functional Adult). It goes deeper than communication skills; it’s about confronting the adaptive stances we built to survive—and figuring out how to relate differently now that we're no longer five.

The “adaptive child” isn’t bad. It’s just not helpful anymore.
You might be great at shutting down to avoid conflict or lashing out when you feel abandoned. Those responses made sense once. But if your partner’s wondering who they’re actually in a relationship with, it might be time to update the software.

Why I love this model:
Because it doesn’t sugarcoat. It tells the truth. It calls out the patterns, offers tools to do better, and insists on accountability with compassion. It’s not “let’s wait and see.” It’s “let’s be honest about what’s not working and do something about it.”