Relationship Crossroads Worksheet
Clarity Before Commitment
This is not about proving who’s right. It’s about figuring out whether this relationship has enough safety, flexibility, and goodwill to grow.
Part 1: The Big Question (Start Here)
When you strip away the conflict, ask yourself honestly:
Am I getting enough of what I need in this relationship to make up for what I’m not getting?
Do I feel more like myself over time, or less?
When things are hard, do I feel emotionally safe with my partner?
If nothing changed for the next 2–3 years, could I live with this dynamic?
Write without fixing. This is data, not a verdict.
Part 2: Are We Misaligned or Just Misunderstanding Each Other?
Reflect individually, then compare.
What I need in order to feel secure:
What I think my partner needs to feel secure:
Where I believe we are missing each other:
Where I may be misinterpreting intent:
Question to sit with:
Are we actually incompatible, or are we reacting to each other’s defenses?
Part 3: Family & Boundaries — The Hard Stuff
This section is about reality, not ideals.
What feels non-negotiable for me when it comes to extended family:
What I wish could change (but may not):
What I could realistically tolerate or adapt to:
What would make continued involvement with family feel unsafe or unsustainable:
Reflection:
Does this need to be a great relationship with family, or a good enough one?
What does “good enough” actually look like in behavior, not intention?
Can I hold boundaries without asking my partner to choose sides?
Am I asking my partner to become someone they’re not?
Part 4: Conflict & Repair (aka: What Actually Happens When Things Blow Up)
When conflict starts, I usually:
☐ Withdraw
☐ Get louder or more intense
☐ Try to fix immediately
☐ Shut down
☐ Get defensive
☐ Get overwhelmed
☐ Try to explain myself harder
When my partner is upset, I tend to:
☐ Minimize
☐ Justify
☐ Apologize quickly to end it
☐ Argue facts
☐ Shut down
☐ Escalate
What I need in moments of conflict to stay regulated:
What I do when I’m outside my window of tolerance:
What helps me come back:
Part 5: Repair & Accountability
Answer honestly, not aspirationally.
When I hurt my partner, can I acknowledge impact without defending intent?
Do I follow through on change or mostly offer reassurance?
When my partner is upset, do I stay engaged or try to “win”?
Do we actually repair… or just move on until the next fight?
What repair would need to look like for this relationship to feel sustainable:
Part 6: Attachment & Family of Origin
Three things from my family growing up I want to repeat:
Three things I do not want to repeat:
When I’m triggered, I tend to act more like:
☐ My parent(s)
☐ My younger self
☐ Someone trying not to be hurt
☐ Someone trying to stay in control
Part 7: Anger & Regulation (Especially Important Here)
When anger shows up, it usually means:
☐ I feel unheard
☐ I feel disrespected
☐ I feel powerless
☐ I feel scared
☐ I feel overwhelmed
Early warning signs I’m escalating:
Things that help me de-escalate:
Things that make it worse:
If conflict continues this way, I fear that:
Part 8: The Hard Question (Don’t Rush This)
Complete these sentences honestly:
If nothing changes, I will eventually feel…
If real change happens, I imagine feeling…
The part of me that wants to stay is afraid of…
The part of me that wants to leave is afraid of…
Closing Reflection
This isn’t about blame.
It’s about clarity.
Ask yourself:
Are we willing to do the work, not just talk about it?
Are we able to hear each other without needing to win?
Is this relationship capable of growth, or just survival?